La cerere postez documentele pe care le detin sa se convinga lumea ca, pe bune, Kurt Cobain e mort.
Certificatul de deces
Scrisoarea de adio
…si faimoasa poza
Bonus!!! Fragmente din jurnalul intim:
I like punk rock. I like girls with weird eyes. I like drugs. (But my Body And mind won’t allow me to take them). I like passion. I like playing my cards wrong. I like vinyl. I like to feel guilty for being a white, American male. I love to sleep. I like to taunt small, barking dogs in parked cars. I like to make people feel happy and superior in their reaction towards my appearance. I like to have strong opinions with nothing to back them up with besides my primal sincerity. I like sincerity. I lack sincerity … I like to complain and do nothing to make things better. I like to blame my parents generation for coming so close to social change then giving up after a few successful efforts by the media & Government to deface the movement by using Mansons and other Hippie representatives as propaganda examples on how they were nothing but unpatriotic, communist, satanic, inhuman diseases. and in turn the baby boomers become the ultimate, conforming, Yuppie hypocrites a generation has ever produced.
Uncertainty certainty. I wish there was someone I could ask for advice, someone who wouldn’t make me feel like a creep for spilling my guts and trying to explain all the insecurities that have plagued me for oh, about 25 years now. I wish someone could explain to me why exactly I have no desire to learn anymore why I used to have so much energy and the need to search for miles and weeks for anything new and different. Excitement. I was once a magnet for attracting new offbeat personalities who would introduce me to music and books of the obscure and I would soak it into my system like a rabid sex crazed junkie hyperactive mentally retarded toddler who’s just had her first taste of sugar.
I tried heroine the first time in 1987 in aberdeen and proceeded to use it about 10 more times from 87 to 90. When I got back from our second European Tour with Sonic Youth I decided to use heroine on a daily basis because an ongoing stomach ailment that I had been suffering from for the past five years had literally taken me to the point of wanting to kill myself. There were many times that I found myself literally incapicitated in bed for weeks vomiting and starving. So I decided I feel like a junky as it is so I may as well be one. After the last European tour I vowed to never go on tour again unless my condition is either masked or cured. I did heroine for about one month then found myself realizing that I wouldn’t be able to get drugs when we go to Australia and Japan so Courtney and I detoxed in a hotel room.
I went to Australia and of course the stomach pain started immediately. We had to cancel a few shows because the pain left me immobile doubled up on the bathroom floor vomiting water and blood. I was liter-ally starving to death. My weight was down to about 110 lbs. I was taken to a doctor at the advice of my management who gave me physeptone. The pills seemed to work better than anything else Ive tried. A bit later on the tour I read the fine print on the bottle it read: “physeptone contains methadone.” Hooked again. We survived Japan but by that time opiates and touring had started to take their toll on my body. And I wasn’t in much better health than when I was off of drugs. I returned home to find that Courtney had gotten hooked again so we checked into a detox center for 2 weeks. She recovered. I instantly regained that familiar burning nausea and decided to either kill myself or stop the pain. I bought a gun but chose drugs instead. I stayed on heroine until one month before Frances due date. Again I checked into a detox center and went through 2 months of the slowest process I have ever witnessed in recovery 60 days of starvation and vomiting.
Courtney, when I say I love you I am not ashamed, nor will anyone ever ever come close to intimidating persuading, etc me into thinking otherwise. I wear you on my sleeve. I spread you out wide open with the wing span of a peacock, yet all too often with the attention span of a bullet to the head. I think its pathetic that the entire world looks upon a person with patience and a calm demeanor as the desired model citizen. Yet theres something to be said about the ability to explain ones self with a toned down, tune deaf tone. And I will say it: I am what they call the boy who is slow. How I metamorphosized from hyperactive to cement is for lack of a better knife to the throat uh, annoying, aggrevating, confusing as dense as cement. Cement holds no other minerals. You can’t even find fools gold in it. Its strictly man made and youve taught me it’s ok to be a man and in the classic mans world I parade you around proudly like the ring on my finger which also holds no mineral. Love Kurt
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